You should just break up already

Some couples stay together for way too long before they finally realize that it's time to break up.


10. You don't have any other friends but each other
This is just pathetic. You spend so much time together then you forget who your friends are.

9. You let yourself go
We all know that couples gain a little bit of weight when they get together. I don't give a fuck how comfortable you are, there's no excuse as to why you got morbidly obese.
Don't you think that it's messed up how you gained 50 pounds because you're in love? Your bf/gf did not sign up for that shit! Let's keep the flame alive and lay off those burritos. Because when your significant other finds someone better than you, you're just going to be a fat and lonely heffer.

Don't blame your obesity on your significant other either.
"It's your fuckin fault. That's why I'm so big now! My self-esteem is ruined."
No bitch, it's called self-esteem and nobody is forcing those double cheeseburgers in your mouth.

8. It gets boring in bed
You already know all the tricks this person has and they are just no longer working for you. Your flesh light/rabbit is just becoming more appealing to you.

7. We have a nagger.
This bitch is nagging at every single thing you do.
"When the fuck are you coming home? It's already 9:00?"
"You never take me out anymore!"
"You watch too much football!"
"Why you lookin at that hoe for?"
"Why do you like that bitches status facebook?"

Don't nag. Its disrespectful and you are going to make your significant other resent you.

6. You don't trust each other
Some RED FLAG warning signs to watch out for:

A. You walk out the bathroom and this bitch is checking your phone.
B. They check the mileage on your car. "I thought chu said you was goin to Tom's house. He only lives 3 miles away."
C. They check your pockets for phone numbers.

Keisha: Whos motha fuckin number is this?
Joe: Oh, It's my doctors.
Keisha: Well I called it and some fuckin hoe answered. And I told her you was mah man!
Joe: Bitch you craazy. You shouldn't have been lookin for trouble in the first place.

D. They get scared when you go to work because they have a fear you might be screwing the housekeeping.

5. You do the same shit.
It's just a different day. You eat, watch tv, have sex, go to sleep, then repeat.


4. Money issues
If you're in a relationship and you find yourself paying for every single thing you better run. You are not a parent and this isn't the 1920's. This goes both ways.

3. Your fights start to get out of hand.
Some examples:
- The cops show up while you're fighting in the Walmart parking lot.
- Your guy friends ask you where you got that black eye from.
- She's threatening to kill herself by overdosing on Tylenol and Mike's Hard Lemonade.
- They set your clothes on fire.

2. Bad Communication.

An example:

John(7:00PM): What are you doing tonight?
Candace(7:15PM): Oh babe, I'm going to go out with the girls.
John(8:35PM): Okay honey I'll see you later.
Candace(9:30PM): I think we're going to go out too.
John(10:00PM): Where are you going?

(Candace leaves her phone in the car)

John(10:09PM): What the fuck?
John(11:16PM): Who the fuck are you with?
John(11:17PM): Why the fuck aren't you getting back?
John(11:22PM): I'm going to wait in front of your fucking house.
John(11:31PM): Why are you doing this to me? :*(*****
John(12:09AM): Seriously?

16 missed calls, 3 voice mails, and 18 text messages later.

Candace(8:09AM): Sorry. Left my phone in the car. Have a good day.


1. Infidelity
Phil: Oh, so you can't go to Vegas but she can fuck a bellhop on a Carnival Cruise Line?
Stu: Okay, first of all, he was a bartender. And she was wasted. And, if you must know, he didn't even come inside her!
Phil: And you believe that?
Stu: Uh, yeah, I do believe that, because she's grossed out by semen.


If you don't want to be with this person anymore just say so! People are so scared to leave a fucked up relationship so they end up cheating! Would you rather have someone tell you they don't want to be with you anymore, OR find out by walking in on your girlfriend getting gang banged by two midgets while she's tied to your bed?

Some ways to break up:
-Ignore the person till they get the point
-Change your phone number
-Text them

If you choose to break up in person:
-Pick up your stuff while your new bf/gf is waiting in the car

-Be sensitive to their feelings
"It's not you, it's me."
"The next guy is going to be so lucky to be with you.
"You didn't do anything wrong."

-Act like you care. Don't show that you are happy about the break up.
"You know, this is really hard for me."

-Choose the right time. Try to avoid birthdays, special holidays, and anniversaries.